Star Trek Beyond.

Resuscitation.

The problem was never that Hollywood ran out of ideas. There were plenty of brilliant screenwriters in the world. Producers at the big studios were just afraid to take chances on new properties. We received “reboots” of long dormant franchises that were completely unnecessary. You only have to look at the likes of Bewitched, Terminator Genysis or Fame to see that making a movie solely for profit is never a good idea. Audiences may not always have the best taste (Transformers I’m looking at you), but they aren’t stupid. They can tell when someone puts passion into projects. Not all franchises are created equal either. Even though I just made fun of Transformers, that franchise was a prime example of a series that made for a great reboot. Take a cheesy cartoon and update it for the adults that grew up with it, inject just enough action and humour for the kids in the audience as well, and you have a fresh film series. I don’t think Michael Bay did a great job with the films, but it isn’t hard to see why they succeeded. As opposed to something like the 1998 reboot of Psycho, starring Vince Vaughn. Nobody was asking for that, and they certainly didn’t have the talent behind the camera to remake a film by one of the all time great directors, Alfred Hitchcock. One franchise that did need a reboot, however, was Star Trek. It had been a long time since the films or the television series were relevant, but the world that Gene Roddenberry had created was full of content just waiting to be explored. The characters were just as loveable as when they were on the original series, the science was just as clever and imaginative as ever, and in the hands of J. J. Abrams, it had the talent behind the camera to breathe new life into the nearly dead franchise.

Star Trek Beyond is the third movie in the rebooted series of Star Trek films. The first two films were critical and commercial successes, and were two of my favourite science fiction films of early 21st century. They combined intelligent scripts with heart and humour, while not getting bogged down in their lore. Some fans found that they relied a bit too heavily on fan service, but I enjoyed all of the nods to past films. They certainly weren’t perfect, as can be seen with the whitewashing of Khan, but they were undeniably fun movies that moved along at a brisk pace while always finding time for great character moments. So does Beyond carry on that tradition under the direction of Justin Lin, or was this film the beginning of the end for this series of films?

The answer lies somewhere in-between. This was the first in the trilogy of films that I didn’t leave the theatre grinning from ear to ear. By no means was this a poorly made film, but its errors were more noticeable under the new team. First and foremost, the story lacked the same punch that the previous films had. What was really a simple story of a crew stranded without a ship became needlessly messy by splitting the story into four parts. By separating the crew, it allowed for interesting character interactions that we may not have gotten otherwise, but some worked better than others, and it was difficult keeping track of all of the crew members when the story kept jumping around. The new characters were visually interesting, but neither the villain nor the new heroine provided anything of substance to the franchise. I wasn’t upset when they weren’t in future installments. Screenwriters Doug Jung and Simon Pegg (Scotty in the film), did a great job at providing quips for their characters, but when it came to moving the plot forward, they seemed to opt for what seemed most convenient and visually interesting, not what made the most sense. I’m all for the suspension of disbelief, but even for a Star Trek film, Beyond made some rather large leaps in logic. This isn’t to say that the film isn’t entertaining, because it certainly is. There were several moments in the film where I found myself leaning forward in my seat, anxious to see what happened next. However, this is purely popcorn affair. When the film attempts to have dramatic moments, that is when it falters most. The dialogue is funny throughout, but some of that is unintentional. Whereas previous entries in the franchise have excelled at techno-babble, in Beyond the writers seemed to struggle creating believable jargon for all of their wild solutions, leading to the viewer being taken out of the moment. Their dialogue simply didn’t sound like natural discourse.

A large portion of this film is action though, and here it mostly delivers. Without giving anything away, there are several creative uses of contemporary equipment in the film, all of which brought both humour and energy to the picture. Director Lin certainly knew his way around a battle sequence, but where he wasn’t quite as strong was in character moments. Unnecessary camera flourishes were common. I am a firm believer that camera work should be driven by the story. If the camera movement is taking me out of the moment, such as rotating needlessly during a routine dialogue sequence, it is more distracting than stylish. Lin did a solid job though, and the change of directors wasn’t too jarring despite Abrams’ distinct style. What was more noticeable was the change in cinematographers. Both Star Trek and Into Darkness were beautifully lit by Daniel Mindel, and his unique use of colour and lens flares were sorely missed. By contrast, this film felt oddly flat. It is still an attractive film with great effects, but I was able to tell immediately Mindel wasn’t attached to the project.

I have probably been rather harsh on the film, and as I said at the beginning, it definitely isn’t bad. I just came away from it, back when it was in theatres, and when re-watching it now, disappointed. This is a franchise I love, and after two extremely strong entries, this felt like a step backwards. I loved being able to spend more time with Kirk, Spock and Bones, but when the action comes before those characters, it is harder to enjoy our time together. I think with a little bit more time, the script could have been polished up, and then we could have had something really special. As it stands, this was an enjoyable, if oddly jargon filled, entry in the Star Trek canon.

3.5 out of 5 stars.

CB

The Invitation.

Communal misery.

If you are reading this, chances are that you have already experienced plenty of violence in your life. The world we live in is a harsh one. It wasn’t always like this. Certainly violence has been a prominent part of society, as I have touched on in the past, but it was unlikely that most Canadians would actually hold a gun in their lifetime, or use a knife for anything other than preparing food. We would hear horror stories on the news of mass killings, but often they felt like they happened in another world. Violence was seen as the easy solution to complicated problems. The idea that there were disputes over race or gender equality in the 21st century still appalls me to this day. The fact that they led to violence appalls me further. We never did see the day where there was complete harmony among all people. Many had trouble coping with the tragedies that took place. Some turned to religion. Others turned away from it. Some took action to bring about change. Others hid from the world, believing it to be a lost cause. Nobody had answers though. Now we live in a time where violence is the norm. Everybody is armed. It has nothing to do with race, sexual preference, or religion. When it comes down to supplies, or shelter, few people wish to talk it out. And still, none of us have the answers of how to deal with loss despite losing so many.

The Invitation is a film that examines what it means to lose someone, and the effect that it can have on those that knew them. Will has been invited over to his ex-wife’s house for a lavish dinner party with old friends. This is made incredibly tense by the presence of her new husband, and the fact that they split up over the loss of their son two years earlier. So what was her intention when inviting him?

Directed by Karyn Kusama, most well known for Jennifer’s Body and Girlfight, the film is a tight piece of psychological suspense. The picture starts out with a dark and unsettling scene on the way to the party, and it doesn’t let up the tension until the credits roll. This is a very slow building film. The 100 minute runtime is used to great effect, ramping up the level of paranoia until it reaches its breaking point and all is revealed. This is first and foremost a mystery, and a very good one at that. What works best with the film is that it wears its intentions on its sleeve, but constantly makes you as the viewer feel paranoid for feeling the way you do. Will, as the lead character, is merely acting as the lens for the audience, showing us what we need to see to build up our suspicions, only to disprove them moments later. Everything we are shown is very purposefully placed before us, whether it is what we believe it to be or not. Kusama cranks up the tension by using believable characters who react as they should in situations that are at the best of times awkard, and at the worst, downright unbearable.

The acting is incredible across the board, showing us what it can mean to lose a loved one, how hard it can be to accept friends back into our lives after long periods of time, and the different ways people deal with what life throws at them. The screenwriters did an excellent job at creating these characters to feel like real people, but also to put them in unbelievable scenarios and still come across as genuine. They are often as shocked as we are. Often times you can tell that they are trying to act as polite as possible, while really wishing to be as distant from the situation as possible. Logan Marshall-Green as Will is a particular standout, for he takes on a very emotionally distraught character, one which in other hands may have pushed us away, and makes him completely relatable and sympathetic.

The entire movie is about what the intention behind the dinner party has been. The film ended up going down the exact route I thought it was, but it did such an excellent job at redirecting my attention, and deflecting my expectations that I didn’t mind. When things do get revealed, they are done in such a surprising way that they feel fresh. There is also an excellent twist at the very end that completely changes the idea behind the reveal.

Between likeable characters, strong direction that keeps us guessing the entire film, a constant sense of dread throughout, and a bold reveal that takes the movie in an entirely new direction, I found myself enthralled from the beginning to the end. It is a simple idea for a film, one that reminds me of The Gift but without the jump scares, and it works on almost every level. The film was predictable in the sense that it is what I thought it was going to be, but things are done in such a way that they feel fresh. I don’t know that it is a film that I would watch more than once given its nature as a film based off of its sense of surprise and suspense, but I can easily recommend it to those that enjoy a good mystery.

4 stars out of 5.

CB

’71.

Desolation.

Once we were able to see past the immediate tragedy of it all, my wife and I were able to find some enjoyment in this new world. We made it our mission to finish as much of the gelato in the world as we could before it expired. We spent hours in empty movie theatres screening classic films such as Casablanca, playing all sorts of video games, and blasting music on the surround sound systems. We were able to try out luxury cars, visit museums without any lines, and wander empty beaches at sunset. We truly did believe we were the last ones alive. Had it not been for her, I would never have survived. She helped me to keep my head, a routine, and most importantly, purpose in this new world. So when we did eventually run into others, everything changed. No longer was this our world, a place where we could walk freely and enjoy the life we had been given. It turned into a world of fear and trepidation.

’71 is a terrifyingly accurate depiction of the world in a time of conflict. Gary Hook, played by Jack O’Connell, is an Irish soldier deployed to prevent further conflict between the Protestants and Catholics in the country. On a routine raid, Hook is separated from his fellow soldiers when he has to chase down a boy that stole a gun, only to barely escape death as the IRA (Irish Republican Army) show up and open fire. The story follows Hook as he attempts to survive the night and get back to the barracks.

From the opening moments, the film is filled with an intense energy that grips every fibre of your being, dragging you through the tribulations of Hook, whether you are prepared for it or not. Director Yann Demange expertly wins over your allegiance by introducing Hook as a loving older brother, a caring and dedicated soldier, one who is just trying to do his part. This is not a tale of black and white characters. Everyone is doing what they think is best, not for their own benefit, but for the larger conflict at hand. For this reason, no one is to be trusted. This creates tension between not only the different people in the film, but between Hook and his surroundings. Every building has to be treated with apprehension, as what lies on the other side could be his end.

Demange imbues the film with personality, treating his camera as its own character. Whether crawling in the dirt during army drills, or zooming in on boys kicking around a ball in the yard as if from a home video, the lens always finds a way to enhance the story and the inherent tension already amplified by the situation that Hook finds himself in. Just as impressive is Jack O’Connell’s performance. The entire cast is excellent, bringing a sense of realism that is rarely found in Hollywood depictions of conflict, but O’Connell especially steals every scene he is in, while speaking very little. He has a physical presence about him that is both intimidating and vulnerable. There are several moments in the film that I could feel his pain as if it were my own. To say that it is hard to watch at times would be an understatement. His journey is filled with close calls and endless amounts of pain.

The film finds itself sitting at just over 90 minutes, a perfect length for a film of this sort. It felt long, but not in a bad way. Quite the opposite in fact. I felt like I had spent all night with this character, barely escaping death on several occasions, and felt the full impact of its ending because of the length of the journey. Yet, it was short enough that the anguish didn’t overstay its welcome. I was not fatigued, but deeply emotionally invested. With that said, the one major critique of the movie that I have is that the ending lasts several minutes too long. I find that a lot of films feel the need to wrap up their endings too neatly. There was a perfect closing shot for the film, one that would have left the ending open to interpretation, something that this film had expertly done up to this point. It is still a powerful ending, one that you may not see coming, but it was overextended, feeling out of place in such a concise piece of work. It is a small complaint though, one that is overwhelmingly overshadowed by the work as a whole. The world that is built here is tangible. I truly felt as though I was within the conflict in Ireland. I was heavily invested in the story of this soldier, the world of Ireland in 1971 and knowing that others have understood what it means to be truly alone and afraid.

4.5 out of 5 stars.

CB

Mr. Right.

Fecal jocularity.

We all searched for our Mr. or Mrs. Right. Despite the fact that there were billions of people on the planet before the contagion, there were very few people that were actually compatible. You had to take a lot of things into consideration, such as who you found attractive, if they had your sense of humour, you shared similar interests, political viewpoints, cleanliness, lifestyles… the list goes on. When you finally found that person where everything clicked, you had to hang on and never let go. So even if your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, partner, friend, teammate, etc, turns out to be a serial killer, at least hear them out before running for your life.

Mr. Right stars two of the most talented actors of the pre-apocalypse. Anna Kendrick was a favourite of mine from the early days when she played Scott Pilgrim’s older sister, and Sam Rockwell won my heart over in one of my favourite films, The Way Way Back. So despite the fact that I had never heard of this movie, I needed a romantic comedy full laughs, romance and those two beautiful human beings just being their charismatic selves. And boy, does Mr. Right not deliver.

Any film that can make Sam Rockwell seem boring is clearly doing something wrong. In the film, he plays a hitman who just happens to be turning his life around, when he runs into a beautiful girl named Martha at the convenience store, played by Ms. Kendrick. Martha has recently broken up with her boyfriend when he not only cheated on her, but tried to make it better by inviting her to join in on the action. The set up is filled with potential, but thanks to some poor direction and worse writing, I found myself longing for the two stars to be in any movie but this.

The most glaring problem is that these characters are neither charming nor realistic. I couldn’t buy the fact that Mr. Right was supposed to be this perfect man, when his sense of humour was calling other people “poopy heads”. That was just one of many fecal related jokes in the movie, none of which landed. I also couldn’t buy that Martha would fall so deeply in love with Mr. Right in one day that she could overlook the fact that he kills people for a living. Her character progression throughout the movie is nonsensical. One minute she is completely horrified that this man she just met plays with knives for fun, the next minute she is inviting him to throw them at her. If having multiple personalities was the character choice they were going for, they really didn’t make that clear enough. Mr. Right himself is likeable enough, in part due to Rockwell’s game performance (he really did try), but also because he clearly does feel bad for his actions. His character is a nice guy, albeit one with a terrible sense of humour, but we don’t get anything else out of him. In other words, there is a serious lack of depth. He is a nice killer, something that we have seen countless times before, and done much better than this.

The plot for the film doesn’t help the characters either. The movie starts out with plenty of avenues to explore, but ends up going down the most trodden path. It doesn’t stray from the tried and true formula of the romantic comedy, nor the hitman love story that we have seen before. Even Mr. and Mrs. Smith explored the dynamic between people keeping secrets from each other better than this movie. There are no repercussions for the actions of any characters. That leaves us with no drama. So if there is no drama, bland characters with unclear motivations and unbelievable arcs, are then what are we left with. The aforementioned humour certainly doesn’t help, as it is all directed at the most base level audience. There is nothing intelligent about any of the jokes. The visual storytelling and humour don’t add anything to the package either. The direction for the film feels oddly out of place. More than this even being a romantic comedy, it is an action movie. Only the action scenes feel tired, as if the director was too lazy to move the camera. For all of the shooting, stabbing and dancing that this film features, it doesn’t feel visceral in the least, and yet it feels the need to fill the screen with blood.

So does the film succeed at anything? Both Kendrick and Rockwell commit to their performances, but you can tell at times that they know that their dialogue is pretty amateurish. I felt especially bad for Kendrick in the last 15 minutes, as her character continues to devolve into unbelievable territory. There really aren’t any redeeming qualities. And to think that there was a time after that I thought Max Landis was going to be Hollywood’s next iconic screenwriter. Oh how I was mistaken.

For a cast that was so right, this movie just feels so wrong.

1.5 stars out of 5.

CB

The Secret Life of Pets.

Unconditional love.

It wasn’t long until we ran out of food. Most people buy groceries for a week or two, with a few emergency supplies in storage at most. It was fortunate that this wasn’t the type of emergency that saw droves of people trying to stock up on food from the grocery store. In fact, most people either locked themselves in their home or attempted to flee the city. Neither ended well. That meant that stores still had well stocked shelves even as the contagion took its last lives. We were able to continue taking food for awhile, bit by bit. I didn’t think we needed to stock up. That was until the Snatchers began to camp in the grocery stores. It wasn’t long before we had to resort to other means of finding food.

Entering someone else’s home felt wrong. Not only had I never broken into a house before, but I knew what lay on the other side of the door. Families. Parents and children, often in each others arms, still as though frozen in time. If it wasn’t for the odour, you would never have known that they had passed.

What I wasn’t expecting though were the pets. While their owners died in a matter of days and sometimes hours, the pets were immune to the disease, and with no means of feeding themselves, slowly starved to death.

Those images have never left me. No matter how many homes I entered, it never got any easier. I had nearly forgotten what it felt like to have an animal by my side. So while I was perusing the year of 2016 in the archives, I came across the film The Secret Life of Pets, and I jumped at the chance to relive what memories I had.

The Secret Life of Pets is a film often forgotten in the sea of animated films. For years, 3D animation was the mark of quality. The works of Pixar had elevated the medium to nearly untouchable heights. Slowly other studios such as Illumination, Dreamworks and Sony Pictures Animation entered the ring, all vying for a position in the industry. It wasn’t long before 3D animation nearly wiped out hand drawn animation. But what had separated Pixar and Disney efforts from the rest had not been their beautiful animation, though that certainly helped, it had been their masterful storytelling. Their stories were filled with more creativity than nearly any other studio working in Hollywood. Their collection of Oscars was proof of that. Other studios efforts paled in comparison, though they often were just as successful at the box office. Illumination Entertainment had been extraordinarily successful with their Despicable Me franchise, even branching out into a Minions franchise of its own. They were lighthearted tales of family that were hugely entertaining for young crowds, with just enough adult humour for the parents, while never quite reaching the heights of Pixar films. But they were funny, original works that were surprisingly emotional. Until The Secret Life of Pets.

There is nothing wrong with following a formula. It had worked for romantic comedies for more than half a century. Formulas exist for a reason. Simply put, they work. They work because the audience is comfortable with them. The only problem is that once a formula has been used enough, it becomes stale. I think that pretty well sums up The Secret Life of Pets. Stale.

From the opening moments of Pets, I knew that Illumination was going to have trouble stretching their concept into a 90 minute film. By this point in cinema history, we had seen pretty much every variation of anthropomorphic animals and objects that there was. Talking dogs had been done before, and much better in several cases. Up had featured a talking dog, one who was much funnier and more relatable in terms of acting like a pet dog than any of the characters in Pets. All of the characters in Pets feel like stereotypes. None of them feel fresh.

The film has three plot lines going through the majority of its duration. Unfortunately, none of them fully work. They all follow a predictable path, leading to an ending that even young children could see coming from a mile away. The first story follows the two lead characters, Max and Duke, as they fight for the attention of their owner, only to be whisked away on an adventure far from their home. This leads to the second story of their neighbour, Gidget, assembling a crew to go and find them. Meanwhile, a rabbit named Snowball tries to gather his forces to take down the human race. None of the stories go anywhere interesting, all opting for well worn territory. Of the three, the last one is the most successful, as it takes a somewhat original idea and runs with it. Sure, Snowball may be a less likeable Brain from Pinky and the Brain, but he still has a decent character arc through the film that leads to most of the laughs. Snowball was voiced by Kevin Hart, who did an excellent job injecting a lot of personality and energy into the character. In fact, the strongest aspect of the entire film would have to be the voice acting. From Louis C. K., to Jenny Slate and Ellie Kemper, all of the voices jump off of the screen and don’t draw you out of the picture. Unfortunately, they can’t save a poorly written script. With more poop jokes than a fourth grade classroom, it is clear who their target audience was. There is very little here for the adults. The film is filled with chase sequences, all too convenient scenarios and second-rate dialogue. The writers largely relied on sight humour as the crux of the movie, but when the same jokes are repeated time and time again, the film begins to feel, you guessed it, stale. Worst of all, however, are the missed opportunities. Duke, as a character, is ripe with possibilities. He has by far the most interesting backstory, one which I would have loved to have seen fleshed out. But when it comes time for Duke to face his past, one which would have been felt by even the most cold hearted of viewers, the writer and director both choose to completely gloss over it. What could have been the heart of the movie, the culminating moment in this characters journey, becomes just another disappointment in a film full of them.

The animators who worked on the film did a spectacular job though. Each character has a unique way of moving, the city of New York is full of life and splendour, and colour palette is bright and impactful. But even the best artwork cannot stand on its own if it has no story to tell and nothing to say. We have heard this tale many times before, and quite often it has been better told. I never laughed out loud, though I did smile a couple of times. I wanted to identify with these pets as if they were my own. But instead I wish that I had gone back to a feature that I had seen before. These aren’t the pets that I remember. Nor the ones I want to spend more time with.

2 stars out of 5.

CB

Green Room.

Brutality.

The world was always filled with violence. From the earliest days of hunting, to the great wars of city-states, the human race always found reasons to use violence to solve their problems. In the modern world, the reasons became more nuanced and complex, but the result was still the same. And then the outbreak happened. The issues were no longer between nations. There was a single problem that became a global epidemic. One would think that would unite the world, but instead it shut down borders, turned people against one another and ended civilization as we knew it.

It only took a matter of weeks for the outbreak to collapse entire governments. What started as a few mysterious deaths, spread faster than any contagion in history, and it was far more deadly. Death was certain for those that caught it. However, there was a small percentage of the population that was immune to the virus. I think it goes without saying that I was one of those. As was my wife.

Browsing the archives last night, I came across one of the final films from a great acting talent, Anton Yelchin. He was one of the brightest stars in Hollywood, only to be taken from the world far too early. He was a diverse talent, bridging genres with extraordinary ease. My first introduction to him was in the J. J. Abrams reboot of Star Trek, but he had already built up quite the filmography by that point. My favourite film of his was Like Crazy, the beautiful story of two people who fell deeply in love, only to be kept apart by distance. He had the unique ability to show the innocence of youth, with the wisdom of age. He was truly gifted, and his death at such a young age left a deep mark on me.

Green Room, written and directed by Jeremy Saulnier, places Yelchin front and centre on the most violent stage of 2016. When his band witnesses a murder, they are held captive by the twisted owner of the club at which they were playing. As they plan to escape, the tides are turned on them and everything falls to pieces.

Simple premises can work. John Wick is a prime example of a film that takes a one line plot and fleshes it out into a 90 minute film full of style, interesting characters and stunning visuals. Where Green Room succeeds is in creating a palpable world. Green isn’t merely the title of the film, it represents the feeling that the viewer is imbued with. There is a sickly vibe presented throughout. The performances are realistic, but the characters are depraved. The lighting is purposely underexposed to put the audience in a state of unease. Everything is filled with a green hue to further instill the illness that has taken over those in the film, the sickness of savagery.

However, it fails in delivering a story with any purpose other than to celebrate the barbarism taking place. Exploitation and horror films make up an entire genre that glorify violence, but because of the realistic approach that Saulnier takes with Green Room, it feels gross as opposed to stylistic and beautiful. The characters are all one note, leaving the film without substance. I could not have cared less if the protagonists lived or died.

Much like Blue Ruin, Saulnier’s work was a hit with critics for the straightforward approach to storytelling and the intelligent behaviour of his characters. It does not, in my opinion, live up to his last film, for the protagonists arc in Blue Ruin was clearly defined and drew the viewer further into the story. We also sought revenge, therefore justifying the violence. The deaths in Green Room are not overly creative or stylized. It simply wasn’t enjoyable. Glorifying all of the worst aspects of humanity may appeal to a certain crowd, but I am not one of them. I appreciate the tone of the film, the texture that is created and even the technical aspects, but I could not get behind the story or the characters. Even in the tense moments, I found myself unable to care for the characters. Anton Yelchin was the exception in this case, bringing humanity to his character that the film sorely lacked. Also of note would be Sir Patrick Stewart, but he was underutilized to say the least. He is an intimidating presence as the antagonist, but he is practically forgotten amidst everything else that is taking place. Whereas those two help to bring weight to the proceedings, Imogen Poots fails to deliver a believable performance and downright irritated me for most of the film. Part of this can be put on the writing, but her shrill delivery was a lot to handle.

I feel like I’m being really hard on this film, but it certainly has its strong elements. As mentioned earlier, it builds atmosphere extremely well, but the direction should also be credited for its tight focus. The tension is severe and unrelenting, and thanks to Saulnier’s distance from his characters and willingness to see them harmed, it is wholly unpredictable. I personally can’t recommend the film because of the story being told and how it is delivered.

Many directors have created art out of the brutality of humanity. This one just misses the mark.

I think the final line of the film sums up my thoughts about it perfectly.

“Tell somebody who gives a shit.”

2.5 out of 5 stars.

CB

The Last Airbender.

Netflix.

The importance of the internet cannot be understated. It completely changed the way the world functioned. From businesses using email, to long lost relatives reconnecting over Facebook, nothing was the same once the Internet came into being. To think that as a kid I didn’t have a phone in my pocket at all times boggles my mind. For years I couldn’t sleep without having a podcast or Netflix playing on my phone while I lay in bed. And now, here I am, in a world where the internet is as useless as Luke’s targeting system in A New Hope. Sure, if you can find a place that still has electricity, you might be able to get onto a computer. But without a connection, what good are they? Then again, for Immunes like me, journaling is just about all we have to keep up sane, and what better place is there than a computer?

I could reminisce all day about the earliest days of the internet and the way that it shaped my teenage years. I remember staying up into the early hours of the morning talking to friends on MSN, watching terrible flash videos on eBaum’s World, and posting on forums about the latest video game announcements. Like anything, it took a few years for the Internet to mature. That isn’t to say that the people on it matured, far from it. But the way that we interacted on it, and its functions changed. Youtube came into being, Netflix took over as the primary source of television and movie viewing, and Google took over the world. It is easy to forget that prior to Netflix, the only way we could watch movies was to either see them in theatres, buy them or rent them. Netflix almost singlehandedly destroyed the video rental business in North America. The ability to stream video instantly, from a collection of thousands of movies and shows changed everything.

I remember hearing about Netflix and thinking there was no way that it could be real. I used to search for hours for a good stream of a television episode that I wanted to watch, trying dozens of links that no doubt gave my computer countless viruses, only to have the quality turn out to be terrible. Netflix was a service that would remember what episode you were on in a show, and even better, remember where in the episode you were when you left. Sure, the Canadian version of Netflix was pretty sparse at the beginning when compared to the American, but there were several gems on there that were worth the service alone. The most important was the first series I watched: Avatar: The Last Airbender.

My love for Avatar: The Last Airbender runs deep. I found the show at a difficult time in my life. I was in my late teens, and like many, I found myself retreating from social interaction and finding solace in things like books and television. My best friend had watched ATLA when it was on the air in the mid-2000’s and had always raved about it, but it wasn’t until I was sitting in my room alone on a Friday night that I decided to give the show a shot. I just needed an escape, something lively to distract me from the world. And what a perfect choice it was. The early episodes of the series were very clearly aimed at pre-teens, with plenty of sight gags and a lighthearted tone that carried through even the most tense of moments. The show grew to include more dramatic elements as it matured, but it never lost its sense of humour and certainly never drifted from the characters that made the show so memorable. Aang, Katara and Sokka became a family over the course of the show, and I too grew to love them as if I was there with them. I finished the entire series in a matter of days, and found myself in a post-show depression. And then I remembered that a movie based off of the show had been made, titled The Last Airbender. I was only just getting into the world of cinema and therefore had heard very little about the film. I went to the local video store that evening to rent it and received a peculiar look from the girl at the counter as I paid for the movie. It wasn’t until ten minutes into the movie that I knew why she had given me that look. This was quite possibly the worst movie I had ever seen.

I watched The Last Airbender again last night so that I could warn you away from falling into the same trap that I did. I needed to reconfirm that the film was as bad as I remembered. But bad doesn’t quite cover it. It was abhorrent. Please, take the time to watch both Avatar: The Last Airbender and its television sequel, The Legend of Korra. But no matter how tempted you may be, do not watch the film based on the show.

The Last Airbender, written, directed and produced by M. Night Shyamalan is simply one of the worst adaptations, nay, films ever put out in theatres. From the first moments of heavy exposition given through text on screen, to the last moments of the film that struggle to wrap up an entire season of the show, this is one piece of terrible filmmaking that no one should be subjected to.

Like the show, the film follows Aang, a young boy who was trapped in ice for 100 years. The world is made up of four tribes, earth, fire, water and air. While he was trapped, the world has collapsed, with the fire nation starting a war and slowly taking over the earth nation and the water tribes. Worst of all, the air nation has been wiped out. All except for Aang, the last living airbender. He also happens to be the Avatar, the one person who has the ability to bring balance to the world, for he can use all four elements. He, along with his two new friends, Katara and Sokka, set out to stop the war and defeat the Fire Lord.

With this set up, the television show managed to pack in plenty of action, funny dialogue, great characters and some heart-rending episodes. Unfortunately, the movie keeps none of the those elements, opting for a serious, gritty reboot that lacks all of the charm of the show. The most obvious element of the film that goes wrong is the casting. The three lead characters are horribly miscast, not only being whitewashed, but lacking any sense of acting ability. How two of these actors went on to have mildly successful careers after this is beyond me. Even actors in this film with a proven track record of excellent performances such as Dev Patel, most famous for Slumdog Millionaire and his work on Skins, failed to produce believable performances. Patel shouts all of his lines, as though he has lost his hearing. This all comes back to both Shyamalan’s direction and the poorly written script. I found myself laughing out loud on numerous occasions not only due to amateurish delivery, but also absurdly unbelievable lines. Sokka, played by Jackson Rathbone, didn’t blink for the entire movie. Seriously, I don’t think he knows how to close his eyes. He would just stare at the other characters for minutes at a time, in extreme closeups, daring them to break his gaze. Noah Ringer, who plays the lead in the film, fared little better, delivering lines as if they were being read off of the script for the first time. If that wasn’t bad enough, they even mispronounce their own character names in the movie. Aang, properly pronounced Eh-ng, says his name is Aw-ng, while Sokka, properly pronounced Saw-ka, says his name is Soh-ka. It is this lack of detail and love of the source material that further drags this production down. There are plenty of bad adaptations in the world, but even some of the worst (I’m looking at you video game adaptations), garnered a niche audience due to their loyal fan base. This film isn’t good for general audiences or the television show fans.

I can’t overstate how poorly told the story is in this film. There are quite literally paragraphs of text that the audience has to sit through before the film begins. Sure, Star Wars can pull that off, but it is the exception to the rule, and it doesn’t keep putting out exposition as if its life depended on it. I don’t think that quite covers the films problems though. The entire production feels cheap, with awful set design, costuming and effects. The one aspect of the film that works is the lighting. There are some truly beautiful shots, thanks to the work of brilliant cinematographer, Andrew Lesnie. When static shots take place, it can often be breathtaking looking over the vistas where the movie was shot. Shyamalan was given a huge budget to make the film, and clearly had no idea what he was doing. He had a Lesnie on his team, yet decided to shoot most of the film in closeups, very rarely showing the choreography of the fights, or the natural environments around the characters. The camera movement feels awkward, often moving unnecessarily or even shaking for no particular reason. The music in the film is used ineffectively, often building, only to end before anything actually happens that warrants it. And worst of all, Shyamalan’s direction breaks many basic rules, leaving the viewer confused as to what is happening on screen. Early on in the film, Katara is talking to Aang in a hut. The two are shot over their shoulders, only they are shot from opposite sides, making them look as if they are speaking to other people, breaking the 180 degree rule. This may sound like a small complaint, and one that only a cinephile would care about, but until you see it, it is hard to explain just how jarring it can be. It is very rare to see in a professional film, and for good reason.

To recap, terrible acting (bulging, unblinking eyes), terrible writing (“BRING ME YOUR ELDERLY”), terrible direction (all the closeups!) and a terrible tone (oh, you wanted to enjoy yourself? Here is death and destruction!). I have been disappointed by films before, such as when the first Hunger Games film came out, but I could recognize that it wasn’t a bad movie, just not to my liking. This is a movie that never should have been made, let alone be allowed to release in theatres.

I would rather run into the Snatchers down at the grocery store than watch this movie. I would be stabbed again than watch this movie. Now there is a story for another time.

0.5 stars out of 5.

CB